So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
