thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Randomize
