Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
