i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
