You smell like stripper and shame
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
