Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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