i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
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