thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
