It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
