This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I met the friendliest cop last night
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
