Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
