i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
People with herpes should wear stickers.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize