I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
