Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
