I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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