8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Randomize