genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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