I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Randomize
