I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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