You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Randomize
