once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
