guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
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