I'm lost and stupid without you.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
