Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
