Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
