My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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