I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize