SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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