My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
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