Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Randomize
