took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Randomize
