p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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