ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
