I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Randomize
