Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Randomize
