lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
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