guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
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