So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
