a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
