Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
