i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
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