We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
