I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
