I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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