Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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