oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Randomize
