I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I just found puke in my bra..
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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