just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
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