If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
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