i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
