:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
