forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Randomize
