I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
