6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I'm sobbing to NWA
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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