I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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