I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
