We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize