I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
