I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
