I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
