you guys were way drunker than both of me
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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