He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
