So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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