Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
