hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize