2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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