mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
