I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Can I color on your dick again?
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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