Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
