You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
