i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
