winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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