even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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