so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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