My cat gives me a boner
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Randomize
