I don't remember. Are we still dating?
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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