his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
the liver wants what the liver wants
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
