one might say we're banned from that church
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Randomize
