just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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