Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Im part way to drunk.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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