We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
